The Four Enemies--Number 1, Laziness and Idle Time

In life, we really have 4 REAL ENEMIES, and they are not people--but intangibles that will rob and eventually destroy your potential and even you; idle-time, ignorance, self-destructive habits, and fear. If you are still curious about this--please read on. 

Let’s begin by discussing Idle Time. Later we will examine the other three.

I am not the most religious person there is—actually far from it. But I like to read certain scriptures in the Bible because the practical advice and wisdom found within are simply priceless. A couple of such verses are these:
 Proverbs 19:15 “Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, And an idle person will suffer hunger.”
 Proverbs 20:13 “Do not love sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes and you shall be satisfied with bread.”
 Ecclesiastes 10:18 “Because of laziness the building decays, And through idleness of hands the house leaks.”

As you can see, these all deal with the dangers of laziness and idle time. Many people think that laziness if something comical and idle time is best used for relaxing and relieving stress. Though stress relief is important and a vital component to living a happy and healthy life, a certain level of stress is actually good for you. Without a healthy amount of stress creating that internal and external pressure, many of us would not perform at our best or at a consistent basis. Stress makes our minds move at high speed, it spawns creativity, at times sharpens our focus, and even energizes us. It is no mistake that people who spend so much time avoiding stress or relieving stress often don’t have much to show for their labor. People who are primarily concerned with the weekend, relaxing, partying, taking a load off, etc. are the same ones to complain about not accomplishing goals or having the things in life they desire. Therefore, time and what we do with it is the most significant factor in our ability to achieve success or become failures. In regards to laziness, most of the time we laugh at lazy people. We associate laziness with procrastination, young men, dreamers, schemers, etc. Though laziness provides the occasional laugh and opportunity to tease someone, it is one of the most successful thieves in the universe. Laziness and idle time go hand in hand—they are close brothers. The Bible even attests to this: “One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.” (Proverbs 18:9). Yes, laziness and idleness can even destroy. How? Well, when you waste time and live a life of laziness and ease, you rob yourself of the most precious gift given to you—time. God has given all of us a certain amount of time and He expects us to do certain things—rather accomplish certain things within that period of time allotted unto us. When we waste the gift that He has given us, along with any other gift—it angers Him. Don’t believe me? Check out this parable given to us by Jesus (found in the 25^th chapter of Matthew):

14 For it is as though a man, going on his travels, called his servants, and gave his property into their charge.

15 He gave three thousand pounds to one, twelve hundred to another, and six hundred to a third, in proportion to the ability of each. Then he set out on his travels.

16 The man who had received the three thousand pounds went at once and traded with it, and made another three thousand.

17 So, too, the man who had received the twelve hundred pounds made another twelve hundred.

18 But the man who had received the six hundred went and dug a hole in the ground, and hid his master's money.

19 After a long time the master of those servants returned, and settled accounts with them.

20 The man who had received the three thousand pounds came up and brought three thousand more. 'Sir,' he said, 'you entrusted me with three thousand pounds; look, I have made another three thousand!'

21 'Well done, good, trustworthy servant!' said his master. 'You have been trustworthy with a small sum; now I will place a large one in your hands; come and share your master's joy!'

22 Then the one who had received the twelve hundred pounds came up and said 'Sir, you entrusted me with twelve hundred pounds; look, I have made another twelve hundred!'

23 'Well done, good, trustworthy servant!' said his master. 'You have been trustworthy with a small sum; now I will place a large one in your hands; come and share your master's joy!'

24 The man who had received the six hundred pounds came up, too, and said 'Sir, I knew that you were a hard man; you reap where you have not sown, and gather up where you have not winnowed;

25 And, in my fear, I went and hid your money in the ground; look, here is what belongs to you!'

26 'You lazy, worthless servant!' was his master's reply. 'You knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather up where I have not winnowed?

27 Then you ought to have placed my money in the hands of bankers, and I, on my return, should have received my money, with interest.

28 'Therefore,' he continued, 'take away from him the six hundred pounds, and give it to the one who has the six thousand.

29 For, to him who has, more will be given, and he shall have abundance; but, as for him who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away from him.

30 As for the useless servant, 'put him out into the darkness' outside, where there will be weeping and grinding of teeth.'

Now to delve into this particular story in detail and examine all the implications, symbols, allegorical meanings, so on and so forth will take time we don’t have and probably cause you to stop reading this and go to another site (if you haven’t already). But what I want us to look at is the reaction of the man when he confronted the fearful servant who did nothing with what was given him. The man, after hearing the servant’s lame excuse became angry and referred to him as “lazy” and “worthless.” Notice, the man in charge is not laughing at his laziness or even seems to find it amusing in the least bit. He juxtaposes the terms “lazy” and “worthless” to give us an idea or definition of what he was and his value linked to his condition. Because this is a parable told to us by Jesus, it is safe to conclude that from these descriptive terms that God Himself finds laziness to something abhorrent. There is no verse in the Bible that makes light of laziness or praises its virtues. When you read about laziness and idle time in the Bible, it is always associated with poverty, decay, destruction, evil, and mischief. So, how should we view it? We should look at laziness and idle time as enemies that rob us. But, maybe you don’t read or even believe in the Bible. That’s totally your choice. However, tell me this; what does laziness reward you with? What does an abundance of idle time develop in your life? What great accomplishment (besides knowing who won the latest American Idol competition or beating a video game) has idle time caused you to realize? How has laziness enhanced you, your wealth, knowledge, health, etc.? It is so easy to fall into the trance of laziness and idle time. When you are idle, your mind is wasted by thinking of wasteful and pointless time-fillers. When you don’t have a plan or objective, you fall further behind those who do. The more time you spend “wasting time” the more difficult it is to get started and the easier it is to say, “I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow never comes and before you know it, idle time and laziness has robbed you.

One other thing comes to mind as I write this. I remember as a kid that I had a stepfather for a few years of my life. He was a lot older than my mother so there was a huge generational gap between him and me. He was a World War II veteran who was born in the early twenties and grew up in Oklahoma. Being Black in those days in the U.S. was hard enough, but growing up in a state like Oklahoma during the years of the Great Depression made his childhood that much more difficult. On top of that, his mother died before he was ten years old and his father was pretty much in and out of his life. My stepfather would often tell us stories of his hardship and how he was forced to quit school at an early age just to work odd jobs to be able to feed himself. Put simply, the harshness of the times and the society he grew up in coupled with the poverty and personal issues set before him, put in a position where he basically had to raise himself and was not able to really have—let alone enjoy—a childhood of any type. He grew up hard and this was always evident in so many facets of his personality and character. I can remember he had such a disdain for laziness.  In his eyes it was like one of the worst flaws a person could have. He looked at laziness like some kind of terrible disease. Where others found it funny or would look at it lightheartedly, my stepfather despised it. It was not until I understood the context within which he grew up that I began to realize why. You see, he understood literally the Bible verse found in II Thessalonians 3:10 “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” This was his reality—his survival depended solely on his efforts to work. Work equaled living another day while laziness only rewarded one with an empty stomach. He would tell of many nights of going to bed hungry and many mornings of going to school the same way. When he would notice my brother and I being lazy, it was something that angered him fiercely and he tried his best to punish or work it out of us. As a man now, I am thankful for those hard lessons. Children don’t readily accept nor understand that the world we live in is not one that gives things away. Hard and persistent work is one of the only aspects in life that result in gain. Many people are filled with so much potential—yet it is never realized because the twin thieves of idle time and laziness lulled them to sleep and stole that potential.  Others sat right at the cusp of greatness, only to allow these same two thieves to get them to withdraw and put it off for another day--which never arrived. Let’s end this section with one last Bible passage found in Proverbs the 24^th chapter:

30 I went by the field of the lazy man, and by the vineyard of the man without understanding;

31 and, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face of it, and its stone wall was broken down.

32 Then I saw; I set my heart on it; I looked and I received instruction.

33 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to lie down;

34 then your poverty comes stalking, and your want like an a man armed with a shield.

Love and Abusive Relationships

People tend to stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. However, there are two main ones that are noticed to surface quite often—lack of self-value and a person allowing their love for the abuser to cloud their judgment. Firstly, abusers tend to get with and stay with people that allow themselves to be abused. We have all seen this person. Usually it’s a woman who is beaten by her boyfriend/husband on a regular basis. But other than this stereotypical situation, there is also the man who is verbally and emotionally abused by the woman in his life. Yes, I know, women are verbally and emotionally abused also. Anyway, because this person has such a crippled and shattered self-image, practically no self-confidence, and thus little to no self-worth, this person allows the abuse to continue because he/she feels that no one else would want them. They feel that the person they are with loves them in spite of the continual abuse and therefore, defends them and forgives them over and over. They often turn the abuse inward and blame themselves for it. This creates a situation where the abuse becomes normal and is even expected. The reasons why a person can have such a pathetic self-image are numerous. However, the results are always the same. I have actually heard a woman say to me that when her husband beats her, it shows that he loves her and if he did not do it, she would be concerned. This warps the mind of an individual to the point where they cannot function in a normal relationship. They must be in one where they are constantly striving to earn the other’s love instead of expecting it to be mutually exchanged. It becomes a sick emotional dependency of sorts. It can take years to heal someone of this mental malady. It also ruins the chances of a decent person coming along and showing this person true love. Sometimes when people are not used to real love, when they get it, they mess it up because they are not used to it and feel it’s either too good to be true or it will be ruined sooner or later anyway so why not do it before they become a victim. This also creates a low expectation of the opposite sex to the point whereas if a good woman or good man comes along, they are ignored because they are seen as fake or not genuine. Some people are more comfortable with loose non-committed relationships, abusers, liars, and cheaters because that’s what they are used to seeing or experiencing. One the other hand, some people allow their love for an abusive individual to compel them to stay in an abusive or toxic relationship. Love is not bound by things such as logic, common sense, etc. Therefore, a person will utilize forgiveness, patience, and understanding to a fault. They will sacrifice themselves, and the health and welfare of those around them because they love so hard and so blindly. Though this may be admirable in some situations, in a set of abusive circumstances—it can be downright self destructive. It is easy for us to sit on the outside and judge, but we have at one time or another been in a relationship where we were lied to, abused, taken advantage of, cheated on, insulted, etc. and we stayed longer than we should have. Love will do that. Sad but true. One of the most deceptive lies that love tells us is, “If I just wait he/she will change and things will get better.” Love is beautiful. But one of the tragedies of it is that it can often create hope where there should not be any--at all. Love is often at odds with reality.

The Death of Osama Bin Laden Means Nothing--Maybe Even… Less?

Utopia…

Yes, it is finally here! The days that the prophet Isaiah wrote of when he stated, “…They shall beat their swords into plowshares, And their spears into pruning hooks; Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, Neither shall they learn war anymore.” (ch2, vs4). We have finally arrived at a place of peace, a world without war, a society with no senseless shedding of blood! Can you feel it? No more violence, harm, or danger!!! The war is over! Now that Osama Bin Laden is dead, bullets and guns are worthless, all nuclear weapons can be dismantled and all people in the military can stop training how to fight and only concern themselves with humanitarian missions. Yes, believers and infidels alike will not only hold hands and stroll together into the horizon of peace and brotherhood, but they will all dine together at the table of humanity. Oh they joy set before us… OK, OK, OK, maybe I am being just a tiny bit sarcastic (you think?). But I can’t be any worse than all these morons acting like today should be a national holiday. Context and perspective is everything when it comes to having an accurate understanding of something. This is no exception to the rule. The death of this one man, no matter what your feelings are towards/about him, does even less than cause a ripple in the boisterous sea of war and conflict that certain parts of world are engaged in. Let me spell it out for you; it changes NOTHING… well maybe the FBI/CIA Most Wanted posters/list and actually there’s a chance that some Pakistani is a few million dollars richer. Other than that, what will change besides the face of Al Qaeda? This war will continue to drag on, just like the war drags on Iraq—way after a guy named Saddam Hussein also met his maker. Any person acting like this is a huge triumph and step forward in this whole mess has gotten it all wrong. Sure, he was the face and leadership of this global terrorist network—but it’s GLOBAL and it’s a NETWORK for a reason. Leadership is easily replaced and the killing of key people—no matter how key--has little affect on the overall mission and capability thereof. Trust me, this dude had many loyal and able soldiers to take up the cause. Maybe his death was warranted. Only God knows now. I do not rejoice over anyone’s death—no matter who or what. Personally, I do believe some should die—murderers, rapists, child-molesters, etc. But even then I would not rejoice at their demise or what some would deem “justice.” Should justice be rejoiced over? Or should we just quietly rest in the fact that hopefully it was served? Sure, some things are right but that does not mean that they are to be celebrated.

Justice?

As far as the concept of justice goes, I can’t quite reach my arms around that. I mean, look at what it took to finally get him. Just in Afghanistan, over 2,400 service members have lost their lives. In Iraq over 4,000 paid the ultimate price. These numbers are just military alone and how many died on 9/11? These numbers are dwarfed when one adds in all the civilian casualties and injuries resulting from this—not to mention the affects upon countless families and the hundreds of billions of dollars spent so far—under the guise of going after him. If you ask me, in the long run—he didn't go empty handed. Yeah, I said it. Before all you war-hawks, armchair generals, and ignorant flag waving know-it-alls come after me—understand one thing… I volunteered and served in uniform (and I don’t mean a UPS uniform either) in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Not only that, 4 members of my immediate family did the same and one was shot (thank God for his armor). So, I don’t want to hear or read any of your silly “anti-American” or “traitor” accusations. If anyone has a right to scrutinize and criticize this “war”—it is I. I put on the jersey and went into the game, until you do the same, save it. OK, back to this… if you look at what it took to finally get this guy—kill him, was it worth it? Some if not most would say, “yes.” Well, he’s dead now. What will be different tomorrow? Are the curtains of war finally going to be drawn? Are the rest of the people who followed him and shared his dictates going to snap out of their ideological coma and think like the ones they view as the enemy? What long-planned terrorist act is not going to be undertaken now? What would-be suicide bomber is now scared of the long-arm of the U.S. military? It took us a decade, thousands of lives, and an uncountable amount of money to shoot one guy in the head for crimes he committed of the most heinous order. In this huge disarray of ignorance, hatred, bloodshed, and violence—it is quite difficult for me to feel any sense of justice. Honesty, that is one of the last words which comes to mind.

Killing a Fly With A Sledgehammer

What has happened is the equivalent of going into a neighbor’s home and trying to kill a fly with a sledgehammer. Sure, after taking huge swipes at it for a decade you may finally have smashed him. But what else have you destroyed in the process? In some ways, what America has done in going after this guy is akin to spending 2 million dollars to sue someone for a thousand dollars—even if you win this one, you still lose. In other words, when we lifted the sledgehammer up and saw the smashed insect we still have to look around and deal with all the damage inflicted on our neighbor’s home. Sure, he’s dead, but what else has been killed? We can’t go in, make a mess and then say, “Hey, we killed that pesky fly. Now all your troubles are over. OK, we’ll be going now.” It does not work that way. I do believe that sometimes, you have to use a sledgehammer to kill a fly to send a message and bring an abrupt halt to the nonsense (like what happened to Japan in WWII). But this is not a conventional war fought in a conventional manner in any way, shape, or form. So yes, Osama Bin Laden is (finally) dead, but so are a lot of other people connected to this whole mess. Where do we go from here? Going after him was why this whole this began, but something tells me that we haven’t even scratched the surface of the start of all this—even after a decade into it.

The Affects of Making a Martyr

The Middle East is going through a social/political metamorphosis of sorts now. I believe that it is splitting between the people who support the thinking of ideologues such as Bin Laden and progressive people who desire a more free, open, and tolerant Middle East. This generation is the first to shuck off all the “colonialism, anti-western” rhetoric that the former and present Middle Eastern leadership has used for many years to continually manipulate the citizenry while robbing them of not only money but opportunities and futures. This generation is the one that realizes that the real enemies of their states are no longer foreign powers, but  the very governments that are supposed to be their caretakers. With that said, I truly believe that people such as Osama Bin Laden were headed for demise in influence. They would always have followers, but with the rise of change in the Middle East and the younger generation tasting true democracy and freedom, the alternative of joining his ranks would begin to lose its appeal. However, with his sudden death, he will now be a martyr and thus a forever living symbol of sorts and ironically this will give him immortality—Ché Guevara, Tupac, Steve Biko, etc. He now becomes a beacon or rallying point of sorts and an inspiration for generations to come. It doesn’t matter how good/bad he was. His image will be hijacked (yes, I used that word) and his legend will be spread. In the long run, I think it would have been so much more effective to have captured him alive and let him spend the next decade preparing for a trial that would last another decade and hopefully he could have died quietly in a prison cell. Let me prove my point… remember a man named Manuel Noriega? Exactly.

Fighting an Ideology—Not a War

What is being fought is a destructive, hateful, and intolerant ideology—not a war. This is why we are having such issues. You cannot fight ideologies with bullets, you have to fight them with truth, education, opportunities, prosperity, freedoms and change when necessary. Destructive ideologies must to be exposed for the frauds that they are. They have to be examined, deconstructed, and proven to be failures. Communism in the Soviet Union was fought like this. And this is the only way it will be successfully defeated in Cuba, North Korea, and it is how it is slowly dying in China (whether they want to admit it or not). Americans thought they partially defeated Communism’s spread in Afghanistan in the 80’s with weaponry. But when the Russians left and it was time to build a prosperous nation in Afghanistan, America dropped the ball and another destructive ideology took root—the government of the Taliban. The C.I.A. thought that they could defeat the ideology of Communism with bullets and shoulder fired rocket launchers given to the Afghani fighters. What they really helped create was a man named Osama Bin Laden.

Looking Back Half-Way Through

Let me preface this by stating--"I AM NOT old." No, I am not... I work with a small group of guys in their 20's and I am reaping what I sewed when I was their age--I called guys my age "old." Ha ha ha, how time flies and how tables turn. Yes, in another month or two, I will be OFFICIALLY in my mid-thirties--35 years old. Sure, it's not old, but I don't want to kid myself, I am not in my twenties either.  A recent personal event in my life reminded me of this fact involving such a one as I once was. Anyway, at this moment there are so many thoughts running through my mind that I must put down in this particular blog. So, please (as always) bear with me. I need to now write out what I want to discuss so that if I have to save this piece part of the way through and then pick it up later I will remember what I wanted to write about (yep, one of the first signs of age--you gotta write EVERYTHING DOWN or you will only recall it when it's too late, when you really get old, you won't recall it at all). I want to talk about what 35 means in terms of stages of life. I want to talk about people mistaking and abusing certain stages of life and having to play "catch up." I want to talk about my generation in particular and juxtapose them with this present one. Finally, I want be honest about where I feel I am in all of this. I hope that if you cannot relate, then at the least you can enjoy...

The reason why I entitled this "Looking Back Half-Way Through" is because, let's face it--if you live to be 70 years old, you had enough time to do pretty much what you wanted to do (whether it happened for you is another story) and if you die at this age or older, no one can really say that your life was "cut short." No matter how you slice it, or how well you can get around, get it up, or get down at 70--70 is still old. Yes, yes, yes, I know you have a grandfather or you have a friend with a grandmother who is above the age of 70 and s/he can do all the things s/he did at 20... right. No, I am not denying that there are some spry and active old folks out there. I actually went to college with a guy in his seventies, but 70 is after all--70. And my point is (yes, I took this long to get to it), that if 70 is (on average) the "end of the road", then we have to look at 35 as half-way through the trip. This brings me into a stark reality. One that I would tease people about when they turned 35--"... dude, you are half way to 70... It's all downhill from here!!! What have you go to look forward to? A receding hairline, a growing waistline, crows-feet around your eyes, gray hair--where you still have it--the beginning of a need for Viagra. Ha ha ha ha, face it. It's over!" Yes, I would shout these cruel things to my guy friends and under all the laughs I one day knew that it would be me as the butt of like jokes. But I could not resist the ribbing. So, I must admit, I do believe most these things are down the road for me. Thus, I just move from teasing guys in their mid-thirties to ones in their fifties. Do I still look at 35 the same way--yes I do, just without all the laughter. Thank God I have not started losing my hair and the only hair that's showing signs of gray are a few in my mustache and beard. I don't have wrinkles but the permanent dark circles around my already failing eyes are forming. I was heavier but with constant exercise I have maintained a healthy weight. As for the Viagra (or any other E.D. drug), I have had no need for it yet. And by saying "yet" I don't plan to. But I will be honest here (at the risk of much mockery)… let's be real, it's not going to get any better.

When I think about it, it's so silly for us to grab onto and embrace these ridiculous notions about how "30 is the new 20" or "40 is the new 30." How stupid! Whenever I hear such nonsense, my personal irritation meter goes off. This ignorance is the result of a long-held Westernized way of thinking that actually dates back many years--the worship of youth. America especially worships youth to a point of insanity. They worship the superficiality of youth; smooth skin, dark hair, thin, muscular bodies, perky breasts, firm buttocks, skin unblemished by stretch marks, wrinkles, or lack of elasticity, an instant hard-on, quick reflexes, natural strength, a killer libido, bright straight teeth untainted by years of nicotine, dental work and coffee, bright eyes without the effects of sleepless nights, long parties, and longer hangovers... the list goes on and on and on. This youth worship totally ignores the natural ignorance, at times stupidity, and the impulsiveness of youth--that sadly disallows many youth to make it out of this stage in life. It is this poor way of thinking that has people (mainly you white folks--let's be real) spending God awful amounts of cash on surgeries and other medical procedures to retain "the appearance" of youth; Botox treatments, breast augmentation, tummy tucks, face lifts, liposuction, hair replacement therapy, etc. etc. etc. Not to mentions the gallons of hair-dye and tons of make-up used for the same purposes. It seems that most of American society is sold on the idea that age is ugly and should be avoided at all costs. I think that though a person should strive to look their best, if they spend their time trying to avoid the inevitable instead of embracing it and being who they are, they wind up looking like a bunch of buffoons. You've seen grandma at the club in a mini-skirt flashing her denture enhanced smile and winking at every man she thinks is potential bait. When she introduces herself, you feel the poor old lady's hand quivering... and though one can think of the advantages found in a woman with no teeth, it is tragic to see this lovely woman chasing youth that has long left her instead of rejoicing in the accomplishment of reaching a long life. You've seen grandpa at the mall in a jogging suit and a pair of Air Jordans complete with cornrows (gray ones with a receding hairline at that) and diamond studs in his ears--trying to pick up chics. Can't you see him with his jacket zipped halfway down his bare chest while his gold chain dangles through his white chest hair as he stares through his bifocals chewing a toothpick at women his granddaughter’s age....? Yes, when you don't learn to embrace and appreciate where you are in life--you become one of these creeps.

Therefore, I have a choice to make, do I embrace 35 or do I try to run with the 25 year olds? No, I cannot. I am who and what I am at this point in my life and as I think about it, I must wonder... Where--figuratively--am I now? What stage is the age 35 located in? 35??? It is young and not old, but while 35 is young, it must also at the same time be considered "mature." In other words, though I consider myself still a young man at this age... I am more of a young MAN, than a YOUNG man--you get me? You can refer to teen-agers as "young men" but when you call a man in his thirties young, it carries a far different meaning. People get on me all the time and say, "Ramon, you are not old, why do you stress so much about your age?" My answer has more to do with stages in life, accomplishments, and passage then whether or not I consider myself "old." You see, the truth is, a lot of people (especially my fellow Black brothers and sisters) look in the mirror and if they still look young or they feel they still have time, they tend to put off things and take life as it comes rather than taking control of life and exploiting the time periods for what they are worth. A lot of times, people spend a lot more time at life's party and the hangover they thought that they could deal with by just catching a small nap or drinking some coffee is a lot harsher than they imagined. Pretty soon, when 35 rolls around, they still have not finished school, still have not really made significant investments like buying a house or starting a retirement fund, they talk of settling down but still can't function in a monogamous relationship let alone pass up one-night-stand opportunities, still ask mom and dad for money to go out, still work at a dead-end job and not a "position," still go to their buddies who did something with their lives and ask for the "hook up," still wake on Friday mornings with nothing else in mind but "where's the party gonna be at this weekend," still think it's cool to talk and laugh about how wasted/high they got, still talk about what gaudy accessories they will put on their car (if they have one), still find Hollywood and music industry gossip more interesting than social/economic/political issues, and still consider "watching TV and movies" a bona fide hobby. If you are anywhere near 30 years old (let alone 35) and most if not all of these items fit you--my brother, my sister--please wake up, get a (real) life, shed yourself of the dead-weight (which are sometimes your closest friends) in your life, and get productive.

I guess when it's all said and done, 35 is the stage in life where "letting go" is far more productive then "grabbing onto." Let me explain. In I Corinthians 13:11 (NIV), the Apostle Paul wrote "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." Notice, he explains that with childhood or immaturity, he spoke, thought, and reasoned a certain way. However, when he recognized that he approached manhood, the totality of the maturation did not disappear on its own. In his words, he had to put them away or "behind" him. This tells us that a significant portion of growing up, maturing, or moving into your correct stage in life is not something that comes naturally (like puberty, gray hairs, or weight gain), it must come and stay by your own efforts and willingness to let go of things (habits, people, behaviors, thoughts, mind-sets, etc.) that no longer remain suitable to your age. So, I guess there is some truth to the saying, "Act your age." And all that nonsense about "Age ain't nothing but a number." is not as applicable as people want us to believe. Being young is fun and exciting. But unfortunately the window of youth does have its limits. This window is more of one to seize opportunity and make investments than to use it to waste time. This window has a time when it's wide open, but when we get into our thirties, we need to recognize that it starts to become narrow and a decade or two down the road it will have only a crack and then finally it will close. The sad thing about our twenties is that most of us remember them in a blur. I firmly believe that what a person does in their twenties determines the outcome for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, many don't see it that way and throw away their twenties and the valuable opportunities therein. Then they are forced to burn the candles at both ends in their thirties and forties and look like hell by the time they reach their fifties. We look at our twenties as a time to party, drink, and screw ourselves into a stupor--not realizing that when you are on your thirties, you have to pay the bill. 

So, after all the liver damage, lung corrosion, STD treatments, abortions, emotional baggage, jail-records, child-support payments, dark little secrets, regretful pictures posted on the internet, fights, ruined relationships, lost money, and lost respect--we sit in the mirror and have to make a choice; do I wallow in self-pity and continue this until I destroy myself or do I change? This should have already been taken care of before the age of 35. When I am 35 I should be aware of certain pitfalls and not getting into doomed relationships. I should not be spending my money on the same things a 15-25 year old is spending it on (i.e. video games, sneakers, rims, etc.). As a matter of fact, I should be doing more investing than spending. At 35, getting drunk/high should no longer be a desirable goal. At 35, I should know the difference between and true lady and ho. For you ladies out there, at 35 you should know the difference between a real man and a player. At 35, your self-respect, reputation, and dignity should hold precedence over pleasure--when they come into contention.

Playing catch-up sucks. If you have to play catch-up to get your life in order and avoid doom—do it. There’s nothing like being that annoying person that always wants to sing the sad song about “what I could have, should have, or would have done if…” The funny thing about that particular song is that most everyone around the world knows it, but none of us want to hear anyone else sing it. Also, regret is a neighbor that never moves away. Don’t sell yourself short. No matter how late it is in the game—go for it. But what really sucks about playing catch-up, is that if you fall too far behind, by the time you catch-up, you may be too old or too worn out to really have enough time and opportunity to enjoy the fruits of your labor. However, even if you find yourself in this predicament, do it anyway. Like I said earlier, I graduated from college with a man in his seventies. Though he may not have done much with his degree or he may not have lived very long after its attainment—he did it. And there are times when just accomplishing something says volumes. If you look down the road and have to play catch-up and get your life together but at the same time see that when you finally do it that there may not be a lot to gain from it—do it anyway. Do it for your children so that they will have no excuse. Do it for others that are in less constraining circumstances than you. Do it for that person on the edge that you may not know that needs just a push—just a spark of motivation to take the first step and turn their life around. But most important of all, do it for yourself. Never go to bed knowing that you could have done more—do it. If you gotta play catch up, so be it. It’s better than being behind for the rest of your life.

My generation… well we are an interesting one. We stand between the fall the of the Berlin Wall and the end of the Soviet style Communism and today’s apparent fall of Middle-Eastern/North African dictatorial rule. But in between this epoch beginning in 1989/1990 (ironically, Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power” was released during this period) until today—2011, what has my generation—one going into its forties--given the world? Well, we witnessed the birth of the internet and remember the death of black/white TV’s. We watched the birth, bourgeoning, and domination of the airwaves by rap music. We remember when MTV was actually about music and showed mostly music videos. We remember when you could count the number of reality TV shows on one hand and there really was no such term as “reality television.” We witnessed the death of Apartheid and the release of Nelson Mandela. We watched a couple of space shuttles blow up as well as the introduction of crack cocaine into the world. We remember when cell phones came in a huge zippered bag and weighed about as much as a small brick—and they were only for rich people. We can recall waking up to watch Saturday morning cartoons that weren’t saturated by Japanese anime. We remember when AIDS was viewed as a gay disease and pulling out was considered safe-sex—really. We remember when WWE was actually WWF—and it didn’t suck! Back in those days you had to have a VCR to watch porno and your family could wait with/for you at an airline terminal/gate. Yes, I am old enough to remember a world without websites, Pimp My Ride, American Idol, cell phones, equal rights in South Africa, military style airport security screening areas, and the thought that a Black person would stand a snowball’s chance in Hell if running for U.S. president was the norm.

 My generation--I believe--gave the world much to play and distract themselves with; smart phones, internet porn, portable hard drives, social media websites, 24 hours news and sports on television, 100 million different types of Air Force One’s, 100 million different (mind numbing) reality TV shows, COPS, blogs, Big Brother, Nintendo/Playstation, etc. But when I think about what lessons or progressive ways of thinking my generation has passed on—I come up pretty empty. We still have wars, racism, sexism, ethnocentrism, pathetic attempts at criminal justice systems and democracies, mindless citizens supporting greedy violent dictators, unequal access to health care, education, and legal representation. Yes, we have all of these. And while we all watch American Idol and pick up our iPhones to text our vote while adding comments to uploaded photos on facebook, all these issues grow worse like societal cancers permeating every facet of our lives. Why? Because the mass consumerism and gross materialism my generation swallowed whole has insulated so much of us from reality; creating a generation of careless, ignorant, and lazy people who’s concern does not go beyond the point of their noses. Yes, I am very harsh on my generation. At no time in the world has there been such a tidal wave of information literally at our fingertips and at the same time have there been a people so oblivious to reality. That’s where I think today’s generation and my generation part ways. We are participants as well as recipients of the global financial state. But today’s generation—those that came after me—will be participants and recipients of the new dawn of political and social change ready to shine upon this world. They understand the hollowness and soullessness of running headlong after material things. They understand that inequality affects everyone. They learned how to take facebook, a website created to connect people, and forge it into a weapon of social and political change. This generation understands the TRUE value of money—that it will never be worth what a human life is worth—priceless. This generation, having seen through the falsehoods and lies that my generation sunk their confidence and their money into, understands that giving back and leaving the world a better place than how it was found it the true measuring stick of a person’s value. They understand that a legacy is more important than an inheritance and that giving is truly more blessed than receiving. I envy this generation. The fields of this world are ripe for change and if they continue to struggle and look into the eyes of the children and continue to imagine a better world for them, this generation will help usher in a better and freer Middle East, a more prosperous and healthier Africa, a less hypocritical and more tolerant America, and fairer and less racist Europe. This generation stands at the cusp of change. My generation missed it worrying about the verdict in the O.J. Simpson trial and who the true father(s) of Anna Nicole Smith’s children were (downright pathetic huh?). We need this generation to pull our heads out of the sand and help correct the mess that we are currently giving them or we are all headed down a tunnel with no light.

So, again, where am I? I think I have done OK so far. I’ve accomplished most of my educational and travel goals. Career wise, the money is OK, but the fulfillment and sense of doing something that matters is almost null and void. I am going to change that. In terms of investments, ownership, and wealth I am not at all satisfied. In regards to personal growth, well you win and lose. I often beat myself up because I make mistakes that a person my age should see miles away. Maturity… I’m getting there. Do I feel behind—oh yes! Sure, I have done things and been places most of the people I know have not and maybe will not ever do or be. But we make a huge mistake when we compare ourselves to our peers alone. When we do this, it is often times the result of us really feeling negatively about ourselves, so, we create this comparison in our minds with people we grew up with or have known for a long time and if we can convince ourselves that we are on their level or ahead, then we are “OK.” WRONG! If you want to soar with eagles, you must leave the chicken coop. We should all strive to be better than where we came from, who we grew up with, and shatter the standards of success that we were placed in your minds. Is this arrogance? No. I am a firm believer that every generation should stand upon the shoulders of the ones that preceded it and encourage those coming up to do the same. Success, accomplishment, and limits should always be redefined and continually evolve within a spirit of excellence. So by better, I don’t mean we should think of ourselves as better than anyone else; I am simply saying that the benchmarks for success should always be pushed further—especially further than what we were told they were.