I was talking to a child today about riding a
skateboard. He was hesitant. I asked why. His response was in the form of two
questions; "What if I fall? What if I get hurt?" When he spoke these
words, they reverberated sharply throughout my mind. They seemed to be spoken
not only by him, but by countless adults who share the same fears when faced
with such decisions. Most of the time these decisions involve the future. They
require a person to step out into the unknown or attempt to do something that's
foreign to them.
"What if I fall? What if I get hurt?"
These questions began to unravel and morph into similar statements wrapped and
rooted in fear; "What if I fail? What if my heart gets broken?"
Furthermore, "What if I fall and can't get up again? What if I get hurt and
the pain is unbearable?" I sincerely believe that such questions do not
fade with childhood. They remain with us all of our lives. And it is our
relationship with these eternal questions that determine a significant amount
of what happens to us in life.
Here, we have a young boy who could have discovered
the fun and freedom of rolling around on a four-wheeled mechanism that millions
of people had ridden for years. Yet, his fear made the possibility of doing
such a common thing unthinkable. Despite the fact that many before him and many
after him will ride, conquer, and eventually master the skateboard, his fear
held him prisoner. He was locked behind real bars--not constructed of cold
steel--but bars created from negative images that flooded his imagination. Both
literal and figurative bars do the same job of preventing us from possessing
liberty; forever stuck on the inside looking out. Instead of envisioning
himself rolling on warm sidewalks and darting through city streets, when the
subject of riding a skateboard surfaced, all he could see was failure and pain.
It's not the skateboard that's the problem. It's his perspective concerning two
vital areas of life; taking risks with new things and the mishaps and failures
of others.
I propose that we wrestle with such negative and self-defeating
thoughts all of our lives. Sure, we can sit and laugh at the little boy's fear
about riding a skateboard. We clearly understand that riding skateboards,
bikes, or even using roller skates all carry the risk of injury. But we view
such failures as part of the process of learning how to master these... toys. A
skinned up knee here, a bruised elbow there, or even an occasional broken bone
or two should not stand in our way of fun, adventure and self-discovery.
Nonetheless, why can't we take such an attitude along with us when choices
about careers, life-long dreams, starting a business, and getting into
relationships present themselves? How many times have we had the talent, the
plan, and the resources to step out and do something, but we allowed our fear
of failure ("What if I fall?") to make us turn around and give up
before we began? What about the times where we meet someone who seems to be
made just for us, but the paralyzing terrors and memories of past relationships
("What if I get hurt?") make us draw back and once again embrace
loneliness as the "safer" alternative?
In addition, we must stop letting the failures of
others determine our success. When someone comes around with negativity and
doubt, we need to tell them sharply, "Your failure has nothing to do with
my success. I will succeed despite your past inability to do so." You may
lose a friend, but you'll gain something greater--experience. And that can
never be taken away. People love to fill our minds with their shortcomings and
mishaps as a way to trick us out of success. They often want others to stay on
their level because when we rise above them or surpass them, it exposes their
lack of focus and accomplishment and inwardly indicts them. What a person has
or has not achieved is none of our business. When we are striving to complete a
goal. We need to expose ourselves to people who have succeeded, not ones that
fell short. Negativity is like a fast growing bacteria. We need to stay away
from all sources of it. Negativity and doubt are like seeds or spores that if
left unchecked, will take root in our hearts and minds and convince us to
quit--even if we are just upon the heels of accomplishing our goals. We cannot
allow the fear of failure and the lack of success in others to steal greatness
and victory out of our grasp.
You have one life to live. Why live it within the
restrictive confines of paranoia disguised as safety? OK, what if your way of
doing things does grant you a long life? If you did little with it, have no
stories to tell, or no valuable experience to pass on to those behind you, then
it's safe to say you wasted your time here on Earth. Your life, the many years
you spent breathing, looking, hearing, tasting, touching, etc. were all done
from a far away bunker built upon fear and insulated with an overcautious
paradigm. The only risk and adventures you were exposed to were vicariously experienced
through others--that were themselves willing to push aside fear and go for it.
Why live in another's shadow? Why should you always recite another's story? Why
should all your wildest times be tamed and dull at best? Within you is well of
endless potential and creativity--which is waiting for you to disregard fear
and dread for one moment--that is ready to erupt and change your life.
There are places you need to visit--not just see on
television or in magazines. There are things you need to do--not just dream
about doing. There are wonderful people out there that you need to
encounter--not just fantasize about meeting. Whenever the subject to doing
something new arises--don't let the sudden negative images of failure and loss
rob you of greatness. Even if you fail... SO WHAT!!! What rule says you cannot
try again? The fear of failure will imprison you within a life of mediocrity.
Go after your dream no matter what it is. There is a reason why you have such desires
and passions--because you also posses the ability to make it happen. Stop
allowing the fear of failing to convince you not to even try. Don't look back
on your life and wonder what if? If you're not able to do it, at least say,
"I gave it a try" instead of "I didn't think I could do
it." One is far worse than the other. The failure at least had the
confidence and courage to give it a shot. The coward stood in the back and
never knew.
If you were in a bad relationship or your life has
been a string of mishaps when it comes to other people--SO WHAT!!! Each
experience is a lesson learned. It doesn't have to be another brick of
bitterness building a wall of isolation and self-pity. Don't fall victim to
self-pity and fear. Get out there and meet someone,. Be a blessing to someone's
life. If you endured a bad marriage or someone you fell in love with crushed
your heart, life goes on. You are still here. Don't let the sweetness of your
heart be contaminated by the bitterness of old anger. Forgive, let go, and move
on. The fear of pain is always magnifies the pain. You made it this far. Pain
is uncomfortable. Yes, that's a huge understatement. But it will not kill you.
It teaches you. It doesn't matter if the failed relationship is your fault or
the other person's fault--life goes on. So you should too. The world will not
stop and wait for you to get over the past. You have too much life left to just
exist for the remainder of the time you are here. Yes, you may get hurt again.
Life goes on--SO WHAT!!! You are made of tough material and can take pain and
keep moving like nothing happened. Stop exaggerating the pain in your mind. You
have grown and matured. You know what's good for you and what's bad for you--no
matter what it "tastes like." Now go and live your life. That
skateboard isn't going to ride itself.
