FEAR & SKATEBOARDS

I was talking to a child today about riding a skateboard. He was hesitant. I asked why. His response was in the form of two questions; "What if I fall? What if I get hurt?" When he spoke these words, they reverberated sharply throughout my mind. They seemed to be spoken not only by him, but by countless adults who share the same fears when faced with such decisions. Most of the time these decisions involve the future. They require a person to step out into the unknown or attempt to do something that's foreign to them.

"What if I fall? What if I get hurt?" These questions began to unravel and morph into similar statements wrapped and rooted in fear; "What if I fail? What if my heart gets broken?" Furthermore, "What if I fall and can't get up again? What if I get hurt and the pain is unbearable?" I sincerely believe that such questions do not fade with childhood. They remain with us all of our lives. And it is our relationship with these eternal questions that determine a significant amount of what happens to us in life.

Here, we have a young boy who could have discovered the fun and freedom of rolling around on a four-wheeled mechanism that millions of people had ridden for years. Yet, his fear made the possibility of doing such a common thing unthinkable. Despite the fact that many before him and many after him will ride, conquer, and eventually master the skateboard, his fear held him prisoner. He was locked behind real bars--not constructed of cold steel--but bars created from negative images that flooded his imagination. Both literal and figurative bars do the same job of preventing us from possessing liberty; forever stuck on the inside looking out. Instead of envisioning himself rolling on warm sidewalks and darting through city streets, when the subject of riding a skateboard surfaced, all he could see was failure and pain. It's not the skateboard that's the problem. It's his perspective concerning two vital areas of life; taking risks with new things and the mishaps and failures of others.

I propose that we wrestle with such negative and self-defeating thoughts all of our lives. Sure, we can sit and laugh at the little boy's fear about riding a skateboard. We clearly understand that riding skateboards, bikes, or even using roller skates all carry the risk of injury. But we view such failures as part of the process of learning how to master these... toys. A skinned up knee here, a bruised elbow there, or even an occasional broken bone or two should not stand in our way of fun, adventure and self-discovery. Nonetheless, why can't we take such an attitude along with us when choices about careers, life-long dreams, starting a business, and getting into relationships present themselves? How many times have we had the talent, the plan, and the resources to step out and do something, but we allowed our fear of failure ("What if I fall?") to make us turn around and give up before we began? What about the times where we meet someone who seems to be made just for us, but the paralyzing terrors and memories of past relationships ("What if I get hurt?") make us draw back and once again embrace loneliness as the "safer" alternative?  

In addition, we must stop letting the failures of others determine our success. When someone comes around with negativity and doubt, we need to tell them sharply, "Your failure has nothing to do with my success. I will succeed despite your past inability to do so." You may lose a friend, but you'll gain something greater--experience. And that can never be taken away. People love to fill our minds with their shortcomings and mishaps as a way to trick us out of success. They often want others to stay on their level because when we rise above them or surpass them, it exposes their lack of focus and accomplishment and inwardly indicts them. What a person has or has not achieved is none of our business. When we are striving to complete a goal. We need to expose ourselves to people who have succeeded, not ones that fell short. Negativity is like a fast growing bacteria. We need to stay away from all sources of it. Negativity and doubt are like seeds or spores that if left unchecked, will take root in our hearts and minds and convince us to quit--even if we are just upon the heels of accomplishing our goals. We cannot allow the fear of failure and the lack of success in others to steal greatness and victory out of our grasp.

You have one life to live. Why live it within the restrictive confines of paranoia disguised as safety? OK, what if your way of doing things does grant you a long life? If you did little with it, have no stories to tell, or no valuable experience to pass on to those behind you, then it's safe to say you wasted your time here on Earth. Your life, the many years you spent breathing, looking, hearing, tasting, touching, etc. were all done from a far away bunker built upon fear and insulated with an overcautious paradigm. The only risk and adventures you were exposed to were vicariously experienced through others--that were themselves willing to push aside fear and go for it. Why live in another's shadow? Why should you always recite another's story? Why should all your wildest times be tamed and dull at best? Within you is well of endless potential and creativity--which is waiting for you to disregard fear and dread for one moment--that is ready to erupt and change your life.

There are places you need to visit--not just see on television or in magazines. There are things you need to do--not just dream about doing. There are wonderful people out there that you need to encounter--not just fantasize about meeting. Whenever the subject to doing something new arises--don't let the sudden negative images of failure and loss rob you of greatness. Even if you fail... SO WHAT!!! What rule says you cannot try again? The fear of failure will imprison you within a life of mediocrity. Go after your dream no matter what it is. There is a reason why you have such desires and passions--because you also posses the ability to make it happen. Stop allowing the fear of failing to convince you not to even try. Don't look back on your life and wonder what if? If you're not able to do it, at least say, "I gave it a try" instead of "I didn't think I could do it." One is far worse than the other. The failure at least had the confidence and courage to give it a shot. The coward stood in the back and never knew.

If you were in a bad relationship or your life has been a string of mishaps when it comes to other people--SO WHAT!!! Each experience is a lesson learned. It doesn't have to be another brick of bitterness building a wall of isolation and self-pity. Don't fall victim to self-pity and fear. Get out there and meet someone,. Be a blessing to someone's life. If you endured a bad marriage or someone you fell in love with crushed your heart, life goes on. You are still here. Don't let the sweetness of your heart be contaminated by the bitterness of old anger. Forgive, let go, and move on. The fear of pain is always magnifies the pain. You made it this far. Pain is uncomfortable. Yes, that's a huge understatement. But it will not kill you. It teaches you. It doesn't matter if the failed relationship is your fault or the other person's fault--life goes on. So you should too. The world will not stop and wait for you to get over the past. You have too much life left to just exist for the remainder of the time you are here. Yes, you may get hurt again. Life goes on--SO WHAT!!! You are made of tough material and can take pain and keep moving like nothing happened. Stop exaggerating the pain in your mind. You have grown and matured. You know what's good for you and what's bad for you--no matter what it "tastes like." Now go and live your life. That skateboard isn't going to ride itself.