No one sets out to destroy themselves. A heroin junkie never said when he/she was a child, “You know, when I die, I wanna die young of an overdose in the middle of a rat infested alley with a needle sticking out of one of my last functioning veins.” I seriously doubt an alcoholic says, “I love drinking. I love drinking so much, that I want to ruin my liver and kidneys. I want to die a slow death—one where I need regular dialysis treatments and live my last days gasping for air every time I climb some steps. I want to end up being fed intravenously because along the way I destroyed my esophagus and I want to die while my grandchildren are too young to understand why their grandparent is rotting away in a hospice.” And yes, I doubt ANYONE says, “Not me, I want to die of some disease associated with AIDS. Yes, that’s for me. I want to slowly waste away from an immune system rendered useless at a young age. I want all opportunities for a long productive life, having children, contributing a lasting legacy to society, growing old with that special someone, watching my children get married, and playing with their kids snatched away from me. I want my parents and siblings to bury me with unspeakable grief from my early demise along with the anger of unfulfilled potential.” No, of course no one says such things—or even thinks them for that matter. Yet, each of us has heard of, known, or maybe has been related to someone who left this world in such a tragic manner. Tragic? Yes, quite tragic. Why? Because it was self-inflicted—and thus fully avoidable.
Drug-use, alcoholism, sexual irresponsibility, and such behavior are all examples of self-destructive habits. Sure, they’re fun while we do them—pleasurable, stress relieving, exciting, fun—take your pick. Even scripture attests to this; “Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”( Proverbs 9:17). In other words, the more taboo or illicit--the more thrilling. Think about it, when you do something acceptable and legal, though it may be fun first, it loses its appeal quickly. However, when you have to sneak, lie, look over your shoulder, plan out, wait until it’s dark, and/or peak around corners to do that same thing—it’s so much more exhilarating. But these things can and will ensnare us into a life of addiction and slavery—taking from us our potential, health, respect, and years of life. It’s one thing to look in the mirror and see the effects and at that point try and make a cognizant choice to change—but it’s quite worse to be one who lives such a life and is unaware of your condition. Yes, it’s really sad to tell yourself you are “just a social drinker” when in actuality you’re a bona-fide alcoholic. It’s a depressing affair to hear any drug addict say, “I’m not hooked. I have it under control.” or to watch a habitual gambler lose everything looking for that all elusive lucky streak. How do these things happen? People never wake up one day and say, “I want to begin a life-long battle with addiction today.” But that’s how it starts—like everything else—with one step. Maybe you cannot remember the first drink but that’s where the seeds were planted, the struggle started, the genesis of the demons you deal with. Self-destructive habits enter our lives very innocently through a dare, curiosity, or experimentation. Little did we know that when we picked up that first cigarette, grabbed that first bottle, or snorted that first line that there was a short chain and pair of shackles that came along with it. How many times have you found yourself on your knees grasping the rim of a toilet bowl with your head shoved in puking while promising yourself (and your God) that you’ll never drink again—only to begin again by Friday afternoon? Or how many times have you gone to bed with a stranger telling yourself, “I am getting too old for this. This is the last one-night-stand for me.”? Been there? I’m sure. Look, if anything will rob from you and destroy your potential and your future—self-destructive habits will.
It’s unfortunate that those charged with helping us and at times saving us, actually stand by silently while we wander unknowingly toward our destruction. These are people we call our “friends.” I don’t know about you, but I do not want a person as my friend who is too afraid to confront me and stop me when they see me headed in the wrong direction. I mean ask yourself; if you saw your friend drowning, would you do what you can to help him/her? If you watched your friend accidently walk near a venomous snake, would you just stand there and allow him/her to get close enough to get bitten? If your friend was watching you mistakenly pick up a glass of what you think was water, but in reality was poison, would you expect him/her to snatch it out of your hands immediately? Okay, yes, these answers are obvious. But why is it that so many of us or our friends fail to be straight with us, warn us, or advise us when we have self-destructive habits in our lives? I cringe when I hear these most lame of excuses come forth like; “I don’t want to be judgmental.”, “It’s not my business. It’s not my place to get involved.”, “He/she is an adult. He/she can maker his/her own choices.”, “I don’t want him/her to hate me.” Yes, I am sure you have heard or even said or thought these things. They are pathetic. A true friend is interested in the health and welfare of the other. How in the world can you sit on your ass and watch someone you call your friend destroy themselves and rob themselves of life and potential? You are not a true friend if you sit by and allow fear to let you make the choice of inaction. No, you are not a friend—you are an enabler. Please, I plead with you. If you have people in your life like this that you consider friends—get rid of them with the utmost expedience. The people that you allow to get this close to you in your life should be the ones who help propel you forward into your destiny, not drag you down, or distract you away from it. Your friends must be people who not only believe in you and push you when you are ready to stop, but they have to believe in you more than you believe in yourself and are committed to your success as much if not more than you are. Sure, we all have buddies that will be there when it’s time to open up a bottle, roll up a blunt, or figure out where the next party is. They’ll sit with us and put their arms around us when we are buzzed or high. But where are those that will say to us, “Hey, party’s over. Get up! We got work to do, places to go, business to handle, goals to reach.”? When you are broke, unmotivated, and ready to give up—the ones that are still there are your true friends. You know who else are your true friends? The ones who will tell you that you messed up, you need to get your act together, and the ones that will yell when you don’t listen, get in front of you when you try and walk away, and even slap you when you need a reality check. Yes, your friends are sometimes the ones who cause you the most pain and discomfort—and they don’t care whether you like it or not—because they care more about you than your feelings. Even the scriptures state this; “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:6). Put simply, a friend will wound us with the truth—but will also be there to assist in healing those wounds with love. Don’t push away those people who place a mirror in front of you and show you what is real. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror—don’t get mad and take it out of the mirror.
If you have a chance to assess the mess in your life—then you are truly blessed. Why? Because God has given you a chance to get things straight. He could have left you in the blurry, half-conscious, zombie-like state you put yourself in—but His mercies allowed you a window of opportunity to change. You now have the power to change—to break off the bands of addiction and progress toward your destiny. You have now been given clear insight into your condition taking you nowhere fast and thank God He loves you enough to wake you from your sleep for a moment and get back on track. Enough time and opportunities have been stolen from you and wasted by you through self-destructive habits. Redeem the remainder of the time and energy you have left. This is not the end--but just the beginning.
As I close this I just want to leave a few thoughts with you. If you want to achieve success and not end up being one of those bitter old people who always tell the “could have, should have, would have” stories, there are times you have to force yourself to close your legs, keep your dick in your pocket, leave the lid on the bottle, and focus. As long as you sleep through life, all your dreams will remain just dreams and in the end, no one wants to hear excuses. I once heard a wise man say, “Excuses are just explanations people use for a lack of effort.” Please, don’t allow self-destructive habits to continue put you into a coma and rob you blind. Let’s end with one more Bible verse found in Proverbs 21:17; “He who loves pleasure will be a poor man; He who loves wine and oil will not be rich.”
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